Monday, March 21, 2011

THE DREAM

“Aristo, pop, belike the shoddy de cry,” Sammy nudged his friend. Kojo, alias Aristo, was standing with his back to the main entrance of Legon Hall, so he had to turn round to see what his friend was talking about. He had no difficulty spotting the girl Sammy was referring to; apart from the fact that tears were streaming down her face, she was walking hurriedly, virtually running towards the road in front of the Hall.

She looked familiar to Aristo and he was still trying to place her when he noticed something far more urgent. The girl, not paying attention to where she was going, had walked directly into the path of an oncoming vehicle. He screamed and made to move towards the girl, but realised it was too late. He cringed as speeding metal met flesh and bone with a sickening thud.

* * *

Her mother had always said that children were not like a comb or a box of matches, so you could tell someone that sεbi, I misplaced your child but I have one at home, if you don’t mind let’s go and I’ll give it to you. No, children were special; one in a million, or 2.4 billion, if figures on world population were to be believed.

For Dela, this statement was especially significant. She was an only child. Her parents had been married 13 years before she’d been born. She didn’t know why, of all her mother’s favourite statements, her mind had drifted to that particular one. Perhaps it had something to do with the dream; but since she couldn’t recollect its details, she didn’t pursue that line of thought.

She had woken up feeling uncharacteristically exuberant. But underneath that feeling lurked something darker and more sinister – something she couldn’t quite describe. She felt it had something to do with the dream, but try as she did, she couldn’t remember what she’d dreamt about. So, in her rush to make it to her date on time, she’d thrust the dream to the back of her mind.

Dela wasn’t one to get too excited about anything – not even a guy. So the fact that she felt the way she did about Opoku was, in itself, a mystery. The amazing thing was that they were so different; for instance, Opoku just couldn’t stop talking, while she used words as if she had to pay for each one that left her lips. In fact, on one occasion, he had remarked that she was the quietest woman he knew. But then, as they say, opposites attract. And, my, were they attracted to each other!

She felt a twinge of guilt as her conscience reminded her that the guy she was thinking so tenderly of was another girl’s boyfriend. But she brushed the feeling off, rationalizing that technically Opoku and Kesiwaa were no longer in a relationship. In fact, that – among other things – was what she suspected Opoku was going to tell her in about two minutes – if he arrived on time.

As if on cue, Opoku entered the dining hall. Of above-average height and build, and dressed in the “uniform” of guys on campus – sneakers, jeans trousers and a T-shirt – Opoku was nothing if not handsome. And the effect was increased when he flashed his infectious smile; as, indeed, he did now in response to a greeting from an acquaintance. Needless to say, he was quite a popular guy.

Dela smiled shyly as Opoku sat opposite her. It was amazing; just by looking at her, he made her feel like a small volcano had erupted in her heart and, for the next five minutes, the molten lava burnt its path downwards until it settled in the pit of her stomach.

After they had exchanged pleasantries, Opoku launched into the reason why he had asked to meet her. Dela, tingling with anticipation, leaned forward so she could catch every word.

Five minutes later, she grabbed her hand bag and, evading Opoku’s grab, rushed out – almost colliding with someone. Her mind was in turmoil – leading her on? Having fun? Sorry? In love with his girl? Each word was a barb that pierced her heart.

Blinded with tears and half-walking, half-running, she didn’t see the car – didn’t even know she was in the road. It was the scream that made her turn around and, even then, seeing a car bearing down on her, her feeling was one of mild surprise.

At the moment of impact, the elusive dream came back to her. There were people, lots of people – her aunties and uncles, her cousins, her friends, her grandmother and her parents. Her mother was crying, clinging to her father. There was a box in front of them. A coffin. The face in it was hers.

20 comments:

  1. "...as speeding metal met flesh and bone with a sickening thud" i could almost see and feel it. and the way it ends, the last line, "The face in it was hers", makes you understand what was not said. it's a very good ending. i felt Opoku should have suffered a little for toying with her and eventually killing her but the story is mainly about Dela and it's just a short story so, i understand.

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  2. @Hannah... I realise that the sound imagery in this story creates a special effect for you. Is there anything similar in the other story? Something else I want you to consider... how does the story make use of sentence structure to create mood?

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  3. it is the last paragraph that had a similar effect on me, so then it has to be the same technique used in the first one. with the Lost and found and lost again, the way there were a lot of pauses in especially the last paragraph(a lot of commas) it kind of creates the image with each thing he forgot gradually...he forgot this...then he forgot that...and most importantly he forgot... i don't know but it made the reading seem like you were actually watching it, it made it more real and more sad(i even wanted to warn him or help him or something) i was so upset after reading it. i didn't think about it before but now i think the way that paragraph was structured alone made the story more upsetting.

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  4. this is the story you need to remeber anytime you can't rememer the dream you had the night before.....u will have no choice but to be extra cautious throughout the day; no matter what may come up.

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  5. this story is very nice,bro!i think i will copy it and show it to some ladies and say its mine and i bet could score some more points there.lol

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  6. @Koomson: this is not the type of comment I expect. Critique the text!!

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  7. for me, i don't understand the structure of the story.And why the girl was crying all of a sudden when she was suppose to have a good time with Opoku.Anyway Aristo tried his best though it was too late.MAY HER SOUL REST IN PEACE.

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  8. i don't seem to get the meaning of the story though it is interesting but i like the writer's choice of words and the imagery he creates. i hope to get the meaning as i re-read.

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  9. ah Seth, read the story again. Dela actually did not have a good time with Opoku. she thought she would but she didn't. read the 11th paragraph; pieces of the conversation they had were running through her mind as she ran, and they weren't pleasant, apparently.

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  10. What a beautiful plot it is.In the story "The Dream" the writer makes use of flashback and also starts the story "in media res" keeping the audience in suspense as we continue to wonder what happens next to Dela and in the end,Dela's short lived 'minutes of glory' as she dies.

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  11. I like the way the writer presents his write-up. He does not go directly with the story in a straight order but he presents an event before he later exposes the preceding event that leads to it. This makes the plot of the story quite critical. Also, the statement "met flesh and bone with a sickening thud."Shows extent of damaged caused to the lady.
    Secondly, dela was very foolish,she failed to understand the significance of her mothers statement that "children were not like a comb or a box of matches, so you could tell someone that sεbi, I misplaced your child but I have one at home, if you don’t mind let’s go and I’ll give it to you. No, children were special; one in a million, or 2.4 billion, if figures on world population were to be believed" and also the thought that after thirteen years of marriage she was the only child. When such a statement is been made it means that one has to do all he or she can to make his or her parents proud of her and not to bring sorrow, shame or disgrace but it seems the young lady failed to comprehend this and instead of clinging to her books in the university to make her parents proud she clanged onto a guy. To make matters worse someone else"s boyfriend what makes her think that such a person is not a player, perhaps love at first sight.

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  12. I like the way the writer presents his write-up. He does not go directly with the story in a straight order but he presents an event before he later exposes the preceding event that leads to it. This makes the plot of the story quite critical. Also, the statement "met flesh and bone with a sickening thud."Shows extent of damaged caused to the lady.
    Secondly, dela was very foolish,she failed to understand the significance of her mothers statement that "children were not like a comb or a box of matches, so you could tell someone that sεbi, I misplaced your child but I have one at home, if you don’t mind let’s go and I’ll give it to you. No, children were special; one in a million, or 2.4 billion, if figures on world population were to be believed" and also the thought that after thirteen years of marriage she was the only child. When such a statement is been made it means that one has to do all he or she can to make his or her parents proud of her and not to bring sorrow, shame or disgrace but it seems the young lady failed to comprehend this and instead of clinging to her books in the university to make her parents proud she clanged onto a guy. To make matters worse someone else"s boyfriend what makes her think that such a person is not a player, perhaps love at first sight.
    Godfred is my name i just couldn't change the chez005

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  13. This piece is well written, thouqh you have to read in between the lines to get the meaning its still very good......Dela if she comes back into this world, would pay particlar aatention to whatever gors on in and around her.......

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  14. the writer's diction makes the story more interesting and understandable. the story encourages individuals to take note of their dreams.the imageries used by the writer makes the story realistic. it is also full of suspense and makes the readers very tense.

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  15. the story has a very beautiful plot. it begins rather from the end and ends with the beginning. kudos!

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  16. i totally agree with Hannah on opoku suffering for toying with dela.I really don't get the ending clearly. i cant tell if the lady saw her corpse in her dreams or it really happened that she died.All the same it's a very good story.

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  17. Well the first paragraph of the story got me anxious, wondering why Dela was crying and her death but understanding this was quiet easy when i finished the story....Such dreams like that of Dela should never be forgotten.Dela had to recap all that to plan her day very well but i guess nature had it own way of finding it "preys".All the same, its an interesting piece and the plot was very well planned.

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  18. Wow! I loved the story. My heart actually skipped a beat when the car hit Dela. It still brings tears to my eyes when I read it. You write great stories. Keep it up:-)(Oops Is writing allowed?) Anyway I even loved the pidgin in the story. The first time I read it, I had to reread it to finally make it out.

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  19. I like this story by Kwaku , particularly because it reminds me of movies in which in the beginning viewers enjoy a sneak preview of the end . And then when the end finally comes , everyone sighs of relief , Aha! as they exhale the confusion that had long clutched their puny brains .You can literally lift the first two paragraphs and adjoin it to the last-but-one paragragh
    .
    It is also a very real poem because it replicates in real life , where people (especially girls) behave as if they have lost a million dollars when it's just a guy . A dash down the streets ; Athletic Oval , and you might meet Prince William eager to make you his Kate Middleton .

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  20. i really enjoy the story very well.but to my interpretation of this i think the writer was trying to let us understand that dreams per say can come true and that Dela should have been careful if she really had the dream.Also it is all about her misunderstanding of her mother that led her life miserable.

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