CHE SARA, SARA 2

Kwabena to Nokplim

24^th July, 1995

Dear Nokplim,

I debated with myself a lot, before replying your letter. I wasn’t sure whether it would get to you before you vacated. But I am sure you will not have the opportunity to reply before you come home.

Puzzles, parable, riddles, etc. Nokplim, your letter was full of questions. I don’t think that I’m hiding anything from you. As for my letters being full of puzzles, maybe it is because I love to play with words. If that makes it seem as if there are hidden meanings behind the words, then forgive me. It is just that sometimes I get carried away by the beauty of the words.

Nokplim, if you feel there are a lot of things for you to tell me; then, by all means, do so. Don’t let me stop you.

By the time this letter gets to you, you may have finished your exams. So I hope that you get A’s in all your papers.

I will like to end here. I know this has been my shortest letter to you yet. Forgive me. I wish you a safe journey home.

Kwabena.

Kwabena to Nokplim

19^th September, 1995

Hello Nokplim,

I hope by God’s grace you’ve arrived safely at school. How are you? I hope your eyes are better. I am alright.

Nokplim, I couldn’t wait to write to you after you left. But I had to write more of the story. I knew that I couldn’t write to you without adding at least a few paragraphs. After a little difficulty, I’ve been able to add a few lines.

Nokplim, you know, I’m still recovering from your departure. Even though I had prepared myself mentally towards your absence, that morning when I saw you in your uniform, I couldn’t stop the feeling of loneliness that passed over me. Ever since then, the feeling of loss has been hitting me in waves. There are times when I am able to take my mind off you. Then before I realise it, my mind is back on you. In those moments, I wish that I could speak to you, even if I couldn’t see you. I miss you terribly.

Nokplim, remember when you said that it is good for a people to talk about things that worry them? Well, there are lots of things on my mind; so I’m going to take your advice. In your second note, you wrote that you were trying to forget that you have feelings for me. Nokplim, I would like to know if you have succeeded; or have you stopped trying? Or are you still in the process?

I would also like to know what YOU feel and think, when I tell you what I feel. For instance, when we spoke the day before you left and I told you the way I feel when I am separated from you, you just said that I was suffering. What do you feel about what I say? And what do you think when I say such things? Do you just tell yourself, this guy is lying? Or this guy is just trying to be charming? Or that he is just saying what they all say; I’ve heard all this before; this is nothing new? Do you believe what I say? Sometimes, I feel I am bothering you. Am I right?

Nokplim, I would really like answers to these questions. I have to end here. Have a nice term.

Missing you,

Kwabena.

Nokplim to Kwabena

26^th September, 1995

Dear Kwabena,

How is life back home? I hope everything is moving on smoothly. I hope you are not worried about me too much because I’m fine. I had a bad dream last night. I dreamt that your elder sister, your uncle and my father came to my school to take me home. Their reason was that you were sick (very sick) and you wanted me to be with you, hold you and pray for you. When I came home with them you were at the point of death. I came to sit on your bed, you hugged me and slept. After some time, you woke up feeling better; and I never left for school again.

Please make sure you take good care of yourself and you don’t get sick. I hope I haven’t taken much of your body away. I hope the hole in your heart has been sealed and the tear in your eye has been wiped away. I hope I don’t ask too many questions. I MISS YOU VERY MUCH.

I hope to hear from you soon.

Nokplim.

P.S. I don’t understand my dream so please write and tell me how and when you fell in-love with me. And please remember to continue my story. Could you please tell me when you will be celebrating your birthday and the colour you like best?

Kwabena to Nokplim

3^rd October, 1995

Nokplim,

It was very wonderful to receive your letter. I am glad that you’re alright. When I received your letter, I thought that it was the reply to the one I had written earlier. I hope you’ve received that one by now.

Nokplim, I want to assure you that I’m feeling very well. So don’t worry about my health. I don’t know why you had that dream or what it meant. I’m only grateful that, at least, it turned out all right. So please forget about the dream.

Nokplim, I used to like questions which began with “How”; but so far, all the questions you’ve asked me which begin like that have been very difficult to answer. I know you want me to tell you how I fell in love with you. But to be honest with you, I’ve thought a lot over it and I’ve found no answer. I realised that it is something that happened so… quietly (I can’t find any other word that can describe what I want to say). Maybe, you can help me by telling me how you fell in love with me.

You also asked me when I fell in love with you. This is also a tough one. Bu this is a little easier to answer. You see, I began to notice that I enjoyed spending time with you. I realised how much I liked it when you were beside me. I realised how empty I felt when you were not around. If you remember, when I was in form three, you used to wave at me in the night. I can’t express how I felt at those times. I tried to suppress what I felt. That is why sometimes I was so cold towards you (I’m sorry for that). I wasn’t sure if I was really in love with you, or if what I felt was just a passing fancy. The reason why I didn’t write to you when you first left for school was because I was afraid that everything I felt would come out in the letters.

On that day, I felt so sad. The urge to be with you was so strong that I went inside. But I was looking through the window at you.

When you left, I told myself that I was very happy, I told myself that with you gone; maybe those feelings would also go. But I was wrong. They intensified. I couldn’t help but notice how much I missed you. I needed a lot of will-power to stop myself from writing to you.

By the time you came home, I had managed to take control of myself. Then we took the excursion to the Boti Falls and somehow, I had you to myself all day. That was the day that I felt closest to you. Sometimes, I wonder what I might have said, if I could have gathered enough courage.

And then you went to school and I wrote. You know the rest of the story. I guess that I’ve not really answered your question; I’m sorry. Why don’t you give me an answer to the same question?

I would like to end here. Somehow, I feel I’ve not done very well in answering the questions. But this is the best I can do. I hope to hear from you soon. Goodbye.

Missing You

Kwabena.

P.S. My birthday is on the 15^th of this month. I’m afraid to say this, but my favourite colour is black.

I know your birthday is already past, but please let me know when it was. I’ll make it up to you. I am sorry I’ll not be able to add to this letter the continuation of your story. I’ve already sent 6 pages. What I’ve written since then is only one page. I’ll add more and include it in my next letter.

CHE SARA, SARA

Kwabena to Nokplim, at Holy Mary Catholic Secondary School, Dzelukope.

2^nd June, 1995

Nokplim,

I am sure that by now you’ve forgotten all about me. Anyway, it’s my pleasure to write you this letter. I am sure you are in good health. As usual I’m not feeling very well. My doctor diagnosed the illness as (get prepared, it’s Latin) Nokplimacus Proximitus. He said that there is only one cure. I am very certain that you’d like to know. Unfortunately, if I tell you, I will die before this letter gets to you.

Let me move on to other things before I tell you and lose my life. Well, I said I would write to you this term; and since I try my best to do what I say, this is the letter. I hope fervently that it would not be the last – but that depends on you.

How is school? I’m sure you’re enjoying yourself. I would like to say that I’m also enjoying myself; but to tell the truth, it is boring at home. I wish I were back at school. Aha! Talking about school reminds me of something. I went to check my results the day after you left for school. I know that I told you several times that I would not tell you my results. But you have several ways of finding out; so I had better give up and tell you. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if you knew already. I’m also telling you because you played a part in my (should I say?) success.

Well, here it is. First, let’s take the core subjects: I had an ‘A’ in English, Maths and Science; and a ‘C’ in Life Skills; and for my electives, I had an ‘A’ in CRS and ‘B’ in French and Literature. All together, I had aggregate ‘8’. So that is all I have to show for three years in school.

As I said, it is very boring here. I spend the day reading books, listening to music or just thinking (don’t ask me about what). I am trying to teach myself how to use the computer. But it is like trying to thread a moving needle in the dark. I am also trying to write a story – perhaps more than one – but it is hopeless.

As much as I hate to end this letter, “all good things must come to an end”; and anyway, it is 1:00am (I’m not joking). I have to try to sleep. I say “try” because one of the symptoms of my illness is insomnia. I hope you will reply my letter quickly.

Looking forward to your return,

Kwabena.

Nokplim to Kwabena, at Housing Down, Adenta.

14^th June, 1995.

Dear Kwabena,

It’s my greatest pleasure to write to you this lovely and wonderful letter. How is your state of health? I hope you are faring well despite your illness (Nokplimacus Proximitus). For your information, I have not forgotten about you. I always think about you; especially, about the times we sat and talked together.

As you know I am in good health but my eyes always pain me. Kwabena, please I want you to tell me the cure to your illness so that I will see whether I can help cure you.

Kwabena, congratulations you’ve done very well. I wish I were in the house to give you a hug for a job well done. Once again, congratulations.

Why do you like talking so much about death? Let me tell you one thing, I don’t want you to lose your life because of me. You have a very wonderful life to lead now that you’ve passed your examination.

I waited for your letter for such a long time that I nearly gave up; but before I knew it, it had arrived.

It’s fine here at school; but I’m not enjoying myself. I’m always learning. I know you will be enjoying yourself because you have passed your exams. Also, your friend (the girl you told me about) will come back into your life so that you can enjoy it 100%.

Kwabena, please I want you to explain the role I played in your success. You told me earlier on in the letter that you were enjoying yourself; but you wrote toward the end that you’re bored. I am curious about what you’ve been thinking about; and what makes it boring. What story are you trying to write?

Please, try to sleep and stop thinking about everything that is happening (maybe at home).

I want to end here with greetings to everyone. Take care of yourself. I miss you.

Nokplim writes.

Kwabena to Nokplim

27^th June, 1995

Dear Nokplim,

Once again, the pleasure is all mine to be writing this letter to you. You know, I didn’t have to guess who the letter was from. The moment I held the letter in my hands, my illness eased a little. So at that moment I knew who it was, I’m sorry that your eyes are hurting. I wish sincerely that I could feel the pain in your place. I hope that knowing this would make the pain easier to bear.

I am overjoyed to learn that you’ve not forgotten about me; and even more so, to know that you also think about our little chats. I thought that I was the only one who enjoyed them.

Nokplim, you can do something about my illness. It would not be permanent, but as long as you keep writing, the disease will not be fatal.

After reading your reaction to my results, I wish I had gone to check them when you were at home. The thought receiving a hug from you makes me tingle all over. There is nothing better I would like from you than a hug. Actually, there is, but…

Nokplim, I don’t really like talking about death; though, I admit that I dwell more on the dark side of things. Well, what can I say? It doesn’t take a lot to make me happy. But then most of the time my joy is fleeting. You see, it takes very little for me to trust someone. So that when the trust is shattered, I am devastated. I try to remedy that situation by surrounding myself with an air of indifference and gloom (maybe that’s why you said I’m unfeeling).

I’m like a tortoise; I hide myself in my shell to avoid being hurt. Unfortunately, the few times I’ve revealed myself, I’ve been hurt (I’m not talking about the girl). In fact, you are the only person I have mentioned that incident to. And after telling you, I’ve felt much better.

You know, Boti was one of the few occasions that I emerged from my shell. I have never had such a wonderful time before. I really felt free. Nokplim, I can’t write everything I feel about this particular topic. So maybe when you come home (and you can spare some time) we would talk more about it.

Well, Nokplim, you want to know the role you played in my success. Well, it is difficult to explain because it is more psychological than physical. The truth of the matter is that you gave me a wonderful mental boost the day you gave that envelope with the heart-warming inscription: “To a very special friend.” I held that message in my heart until the last day of the exam. I would have been very disappointed if I had not lived up to expectation.

Nokplim, about your question on what I’ve been thinking of, let me just say that I’ve been thinking about everything and nothing (and certainly not about HER). As far as I’m concerned, she is dead, uh…oh, there’s that word again. Sorry, I won’t mention it again. I have more enjoyable things to think about… like you. As to why I am bored, the answer is simple; it’s because I miss you. I miss talking to you. As for the story, forget I even mentioned it. I will try to sleep; but remember, as long as you keep writing, I will be able to sleep. (It’s afternoon now) so you see, I’m improving.

Painful as it is, I have to end here. Take care.

Missing you,

Kwabena.

P.S. How special is the “special” you wrote on that envelope. P-l-e-a-s-e tell me.

Nokplim to Kwabena

7^th July, 1995

Dear Kwabena,

I’m very sorry for not saying goodbye before I left for school. I am sorry. I read the note you left; but I couldn’t wait for you to return from town. That is why I couldn’t say goodbye to you. I hope you have forgiven me.

I am very pleased to have eased your illness. Please I don’t want you to keep me in suspense. Please continue this sentence: “there is nothing better I would like from you than a hug. Actually, there is, but… (But what? Please continue).

Kwabena, please I have to tell you something. Your letters seem too complicated. They always have hidden meanings, like a puzzle which I have to crack my brains before I understand. (I mean you talk in parables). I’m beginning to suspect that you are trying to hide something from me. (Please come out with it).

You said something about trust. Do you mean you trust me? If you are not talking about the girl then who do you mean hurt you? Could you please explain the following (I am quite at a loss to understand): “I have more enjoyable things to think about… like you.”

You said, when I leave for school you miss me and you also miss talking to me. But when I come home you don’t show it. Grace asked you a question about the decision you’d make if you were asked to choose between Dorcas and me. You said that it would be an easy choice to make. Please tell me what you meant by that.

I am really confused. I feel I have a lot to tell you but I don’t know what to write. The reason is that there are hidden things in your letter. Please tell me about them.

Please, if you reveal the hidden messages in your letter, I will also tell you about the “special” I wrote on my envelope and I will explain.

I would like to end here with greetings to everybody.

Nokplim writes

P.S. Please, write and tell me about all the things you are hiding from me. I hope you will reply soon. I MISS YOU.

Dulce et Decorum Est

Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,
Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,
Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs
And towards our distant rest began to trudge.
Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots
But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind;
Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots
Of tired, outstripped Five-Nines that dropped behind.
Gas! Gas! Quick, boys! – An ecstasy of fumbling,
Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time;
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling,
And flound'ring like a man in fire or lime . . .
Dim, through the misty panes and thick green light,
As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.
In all my dreams, before my helpless sight,
He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.
If in some smothering dreams you too could pace
Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
His hanging face, like a devil's sick of sin;
If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,
Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud
Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,
My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie; Dulce et Decorum est
Pro patria mori.

Wilfred Owen (1893-1918)

Sonnet 29

When, in disgrace with Fortune and men's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,
Desiring this man's art, and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least,
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate
For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings,
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

                                   William Shakespeare (1564-1616)